That’s a real headline folks. Well…at least I think it is real.
It seems fake news writers are getting rich. How? They write a fake story with a headline that hooks potential readers – or clickers – and advertisers pay the fake news writers to put their products on the fake new page. So, having several thousand dollars in student loans, I thought I would try my hand at some breaking, fake news writing.
My business model is fairly simple and straight forward. Americans is stupid! No really…the hardest part of this business venture has been overcame. The potential market of clickers is about 61,900,651. How did I arrive at this large figure? Well…I took it from the election results, although I’m not sure if that article is a fake news story or not. But that seems about the right amount of American stupid.
Below are two examples of fake news headlines that outperformed non-fake news stories on Facebook:
Pope Francis shocks the world, endorses Donald Trump for President
FBI agent suspected in Hillary email leaks found dead in apartment in murder-suicide
It appears the recipe for stupid America to click a fake news link is to offer up news they already want to believe. Real news might challenge American’s beliefs. Stupid America has little interest in having their beliefs confronted. New, informed learning is treating like the Zika mosquito.
If you are a stupid American reading this and you have made it this far, a Zika mosquito is an African Black-Bat that has been modified by the Obama administration to infect only freedom loving Christians in rural communities.
Any who…below are some headlines I developed in order to start my new media business: Defending Unbiased Media Business - American’s Stupid Source (DUMB-ASS).
Black Friday shot and killed by white cop in Mississippi Walmart parking lot
11/25/16. According to witnesses, Huck “the hound dog” Cole and his cousin Cooter Jones, Black Friday was ordered by the policeman to put his hands up just outside the local Walmart. According to the two cousins, “That Black boy Friday retched into his britches and was diggin fur something and got what was coming to ‘em.” All the African Americans in Mississippi reported Black Friday was born without any arms. A police spokesman indicated that the officer had reason to believe Mr. Friday had previous erratic behaviors a year ago today.
Miss Piggy: “Trump Grabbed My Pussy”
11/25/16. Miss Piggy, an original cast member of the Muppet Show, appeared with her attorney today and reported that President-elect Donald J. Trump grabbed her pussy in 1982. A year after her last episode on the Muppet Show , Miss Piggy describes an all too familiar pattern of sexual predatory behaviors dogging Mr. Trump. According to Mr. Trump’s campaign manager, Kelly Conway, Mr. Trump denies these events ever happened and that it was Miss Piggy who has a well-documented fisting fetish. The counterpunching Trump administration also released a provocative photo of Miss Piggy that, according to Ms. Conway, was sent to Mr. Trump’s private cell number. Miss Piggy’s attorney has not respond to several requests to comment. This story is developing.